Extensive Staring Not Required
by thunder skies
Summary: Leah asks a question. Jacob finds it extremely awkward. But since when is that new with Leah? Blackwater.


"Jacob! Shit, I think my boobs are two different sizes."

It took a full ten seconds for Leah's words to click in his mind. "Um, sorry? Repeat that?" he asked, dusting stray streaks of dirt off his shorts and looking around in vain for a shirt. Nope. Apparently God loved to make Jacob Black wander around shirtless.

There was, however, no reason for Leah to be that way.

But there she was, standing in front of him, topless. "My boobs. Are two. Different. Sizes," she enunciated, clearly not caring about his sharp intake of breath that would have usually alerted most other girls to, hell, maybe don some clothing. But as he had said many, many times (though mostly in a complaining sort of way), his Beta was not like other girls.

Especially in the whole "modesty" department.

"Um," Jacob said again. "That's... great?"

"No," Leah snapped, obviously not satisfied and obviously not any closer to putting on a shirt. He wondered briefly if sticking two leaves over her chest might help matters. "It is not great. How am I supposed to get a new boyfriend if my boobs are different sizes? It's ridiculous."

Ah. Jacob should have known that this all boiled down to her Score Extensive Collections of Kissable Sirs. S.E.C.K.S for short--basically because she hadn't been able to think of anything that started with an "X" to end the word with. He should know; he helped her for a week and a half to come up with a suitable acronym and even got Edward to pitch in. Which said a lot in his book.

"Jake!" He flinched. She already sounded irritated, in an I-hope-you-drop-dead sort of way. "Can you tell?"

"Tell what?"

Leah rolled her eyes. Jacob really, _really _wished she would put on a shirt. Then he could inspect her breasts without being able to see... everything.

Not that he inspected her breasts often. Most of the time. Yeah.

"Can you tell that they're different sizes? Or do guys not care about stuff like that?"

"Don't care," he assured her quickly, to head off what she was asking because _surely _Leah Clearwater was not _actually _asking him to stare at her chest. Right?

She looked doubtful. "Are you sure? Or are you scared this is just a trick and I'll beat you for being a perv in a minute?"

_Damn, _she was good. "Uh... both?" he tried, wondering if Edward could hear them from here. If he could, Jacob doubted that he would be able to stand in the same room with the man again. Ever. Unfortunately, Leah seemed to be immune to awkwardness, and was still watching him, waiting for an answer she deemed appropriate.

"They're, uh," he fumbled, while Leah only put her hands on her hips and waited. She seriously needed to invest in more shirts. And possibly ankle-length dresses. "They're, y'know, not-- I mean, I can't, um, tell."

"That my boobs are different sizes, you mean," Leah clarified helpfully.

"Yeah. That. Not that I was staring at them or anything. I mean, it's the sort of thing that's obvious with a side glance, right? You know? I wouldn't have to look... extensively... or anything. To tell that they're different sizes. Not that that's bad! I mean, uh, see, guys don't really-- care about stuff like that. At all, really. So, um, we done here?"

Pleasepleaseplease let them be done here. Now, why was he the Alpha again, if he could be rendered practically incompetent by breasts? Even if they were the only ones he'd ever seen in real life, not that that was the point or anything. Or the fact that it was the middle of winter and her body still reacted to the cold, if you caught his drift.

If Edward was listening, he would be laughing his ass off right now.

"Hmm." Leah screwed up her face in thought. Jacob prayed for an attack of newborns to make him look somewhere else-- not that he would have for sure, but it was worth a shot. "Well, okay. If you say so." Her gaze suddenly turned withering. "You aren't lying to me, right Jacob?"

"No!" he promised loudly, wincing at himself. "Uh, no, I'm not lying. You have, you know, very similarly sized breasts."

Leah smiled at him. _Smiled _at him, and oh shit this was really, really awkward because she was sort of leaning over and--

"Thanks," she said happily, but it was muffled from the shirt she was tugging over her head. _Finally, _after a million freaking years of his stumbling and muttering and idiocy.

Christ. Chicks were so weird.

Leah had already started toward the Cullen's house, tying her hair back as she did so. Jacob shook his head, presumably to clear it, when she turned around. "Hey, Jake?" she called, hands still suspended behind her head.

"...Yeah?"

She had to yell to be heard over the rip-roar of wind: "Feel free to make sure about that any time you want!"

Later, Jacob thought that a suave sort of reply would have gone something like, "Don't worry, I will." Or, "I'll definitely take you up on that!" Unfortunately, however, even though Jacob Black was good at checkers and memorizing song lyrics and braiding hair, he was not so skilled in the art of suave responses to Leah Clearwater telling him that he could pretty much feel her up if he wanted to. So what he actually said, grinning as he started to run to catch up to her, was, "Holy shit, Leah, are you coming on to me?"

"Wow, stupid, it really took you a year to catch that? No, wait, I just had to entice you with my boobs!"

And, oh yeah, Jacob Black was also good at one other thing:

Knowing exactly when his Beta was happy, no matter how good she tried to be at hiding it.


End file.
